How my son ruined my day … and saved my heart

Lots of posts last night and today from old geezers like me on that game’s threat to aging hearts. (I’m 67 and have faithfully followed the horns since ’68.) Well, here’s my experience.

You see, I hate commercials. I understand that they make possible the world of media that I enjoy so much. But I hate and avoid them as much as possible.

So, I never watch games live. I record them (YouTube TV gives me unlimited saves) and watch them later. I also wait until Meg is in bed and suffer where she can’t hear me. Yesterday, as usual, I recorded the game and figured I would watch it about 10:00.

The danger, of course, is that one has to avoid spoilers from any source. Now, Meg doesn’t pay attention, my kids live in Seattle, and I don’t watch the news anyway, so all I have to do is keep off the internet.

However, about 3:30 my cell rings. My brother, who lives in Chicago. He is a Bears fan but knows I love the Rams. I see his name on my cell and answer: “Art. If you want to talk about the NFL, don’t say a word. I have the game recorded and will watch it later.” He chuckles and we chat about other things.

But, see, here is the problem with my system. Any contact with someone who may know something leads to all sorts of weird mental games. I am thinking, Art wouldn’t call about a loss … right? He doesn’t call to harass me. And he ends the call saying “Enjoy the game.” So, like, maybe we win … right? Maybe? But maybe Brady pulls something off and he couldn’t help but call and … I resolve not to think about it and to try to watch the game without preconceptions. Though that’s really hard for me.

So, some hours go by. Meg and I are watching a streaming show on Hulu—no dangers of spoilers there. Her cell rings in another room. “Chris is calling.” Our son in Seattle often calls to chat on Sunday night and we generally enjoy a speaker phone 3-way conversation.

Now here is where things start to go amiss. As Meg Is bringing the phone into the room, I can hear Chris’ voice. “Mom, is Dad on the phone?” And he starts to talk about the game. He doesn't say anything definitive, but my radar is working overtime. “Uh, Chris, I am here and I can hear your voice.”

So now we're caught in an ambiguous morass. I say, “OK, all is coming out into the open now.” Meg quips, “your dad is losing his virginity on this.” Chris is chuckling and joking and it seems pretty clear let the Rams won the game. The question is, what really happened?

Chris refuses to answer directly. He says, “I was playing golf and as I came off the course I was wondering about the game. So I checked my phone and the situation seemed pretty interesting. So I brought up the live game on my phone and caught the last three plays. I will simply say this … you will be in pain and then you will be happy.”

At this point, Meg and Chris begin to chat. He is shopping at the grocery store and keeps the conversation going. And I'm thinking hey I want to see this. So I bring up the recording with the sound muted. The phone call lasts for two hours during which I watch the entire game with three way jokes and commentary flowing back and forth.

That was fun but the whole time I'm trying to figure out what his cryptic remarks said about the game. At one point, Chris says, “two of the plays I saw were passes from Matt Stafford to Cooper Kupp.” So, OK, it has to have been close for Stafford to be passing at the death. And that expectation colors my experience of every play. I keep watching for disasters, for Brady to carve us up, for Stafford to throw pick sixes. I dunno. We can't have looked very good, right?

But for three quarters, we look fantastic. Stafford is fabulous, the defense and the whole team is swarming over a befuddled Brady. I am literally saying out loud, “OK here is where it has to go wrong here. Stafford must throw a pick here. Brady must carve us up here. They have to score here. We have to turn it over here.” Yet, apart from the missed score before the half, we are dominant.

So, I begin to wonder. Chris has been known for a stunt or two over the years. As the 3rd quarter ended, I said to Meg, “I think your son is having us on. I think he is spinning us a line, doll.” (An obscure film reference) I begin to hope that the dominant performance will hold through the end of the game.

And then the craziness erupted. But still we kept making plays, frustrating Brady. We still have a two score lead late in the 4th. I don't see how we can fall behind. I suppose it must be an overtime game. Then the Evil Wizard ties the game and I Stafford gets the ball inside one minute. Finally, I get what must happen.

The upside of all of this is that Chris’ telephone call spared my heart a huge amount of stress. And the three-way banter was a gas. Had I not known that the final plays would feature Stafford and Kupp, I can just imagine what I would have been going through, watching Brady coming back yet again, planting his evil dagger in our hearts one more time. Of course, that’s what you folks endured. Ramgator must have been going nutzoid in the stands there. Chris spared me all of that.

And yet, my experience of the game was a sort of weird schizophrenic doubling of awareness. I was watching the plays while simultaneously proposing and discarding a string of hypotheses about how they could end in a moment of Stafford glory. The agony of Brady's comeback may have been blunted, but the satisfactions of watching the lads dominate him for three quarters were blunted as well. Every time the Rams made a play I kept asking myself, is this where the catastrophes begin? A weird experience.

Of course, in the end, I have no complaints. That was a major victory. I just hope all of our hearts can endure the showdown with the Whiners next week.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2022 11:57AM by RFL.