Not ANYTHING like this time yesterday but still a rough morning. Last night, after that POS game, I stood on the back porch for about 15 minutes before MAKING myself go to sleep. It was drizzly and breezy. The backyard seemed so lonely. We have a streetlight / security light on a telephone pole in our backyard. It lit the area where we buried Bella quite well. I HATE nights when I'm hurting! It's gonna be a LONG time before I can look at the porch, go on the porch, look at the backyard or be in the backyard and not still look for Bella. I have not felt this bad about death in a LONG time. Even losing several family members and a couple of VERY good friends, in recent years, was easier. ALL of them were looming and I had time to prepare.