While I cannot make the decision for you I can provide you with some thoughts. First of all any surgery to your back is no guarantee that it will "fix it". Just as often you may end up with difficulties worse than what you have now. My suggestion is that since you are in Texas to contact the Orthopedic oncology center at MDANDERSON. in Houston. I know it is a cancer center but the orthopedics there can certainly refer you to a competent orthopedic surgeon-if you have any questions at all and it sounds like you have plenty you need to speak with someone you can trust. In some respects it may be a good thing that you are not rushing into surgery. But again, this is a decision you can only make yourself along with your wife.