I've told the story about my most inappropriate laughing spell..

You all remember: helping the guy, my mom married, build a carport after he had a colostomy bag attached.. Hitting the nail just right with one mighty blow, sinking it all the way to the head and triumphantly exclaiming (in front of him and my brother)...

"Tore that one a new a**hole..."

Then looking at my brother, who's eyes were as big as saucers - just like me - and having to both slink off to fall down laughing hysterically.. YES, I understand it was cruel, but it was completely unintentional.. I didn't think it up and then find the perfect place to say it.. It just came out when I buried the nail.. I would have felt much worse had we really liked the guy, but he didn't treat us particularly well - nor my mother..

Perhaps this story fits the narrative better, tho: 2 other friends of mine and I were invited to a mutual friend's wedding, which was at 9:30am (who DOES that?) on the morning after we all worked a 12 hour night shift and got off at 8am.. There was free beer at the wedding, so all three of us began drink - with no sleep - and got a bit cantankerous.. The ceremony started and something tickled us (don't remember what) and the three of us were fighting with all our might not to bust out laughing.. An usher came and suggested we move to the bathroom so we didn't ruin the wedding.. So, we moved to the bathroom and shut the door where we fell all over ourselves laughing hysterically..

Suddenly there was a knock on the bathroom door.. One of the other guys opened the door and there stood an obviously pissed off older woman with an extremely large nose.. She yelled (in a whispered volume) "You're ruining the wedding..! We can hear you in the chapel! Be quiet or go home!".. I understand she was pissed, but she was awfully rude to us..

..So, one of my buddies replied, "Ok, pelican woman".. and closed the door..

..and all three of us hit the floor, falling on top of each other, laughing as hard as I've ever laughed in my life - while still trying to not laugh loudly.. I remember looking up in the mirror, and seeing myself, and I was BEET red.. After about 30 more seconds, there was another knock and this time it was all three of our wives, who looked PISSED.. and comedy quickly turned to tragedy - at least for us three... Talk about a buzz kill.. They still talk about that wedding, that was about 25 years ago, to this day.. Unfortunately the married couple broke up after several years..

Moral of the story: don't work a 12 hour night shift, then go to a wedding without any sleep, and drink beer before the ceremony..

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Friendship is like peeing your pants.. Everybody can see it, but only you can feel the warmth..