"Which translates to "Every Model ever made, except the one I have"."
You hit the nail on the head with that one.
And it reminds me of computers.... every time some bug in software, or flaw in a hardware component, is announced and includes the words "may effect a few users", (which is all bugs and flaws), it's going to pertain to me.
"A few users will experience battery drain" - ME
"Users with graphic card model XDQ3000S have reported poor performance" - ME
"Those with MacBooks sold between Aug 12, 2018 @11am and Aug 12, 2018 @11:01am have dysfunctional monitors and Apple will be issuing a patch to fix the problem in the year 2028" - ME