The Tonight Show

Jimmy Fallon's opening monologue. Um... yeah. Love being the butt of jokes on national tv.

Fallon: Welcome to the Tonight Show!
Fallon: While you guys were clapping, the Rams punted six more times.
Steve: Really?
Fallon: That's right, last night was Super Bowl 53 and 53 is how many people stayed awake for the whole thing.
(laughter)
Fallon: But I want to say congratulations to the New England Patriots on winning the Super Bowl.
(cheers and applause)
Fallon: And to the Rams who got to see a free Maroon 5 concert
(laughter)
Fallon: That's... that's good.
Fallon: That's right. The Rams only scored three points and they were totally shut out in the second half. They said it was a little tough to concentrate after seeing Adam Levine's nipples.
(laughter)
Fallon: But the Rams did set a new record for punts.
(light laughter)
Fallon: The is the first time I've ever seen a punter on the sideline breathing into an oxygen mask. He's like... "you've got to be kidding me. I'm going back in"?
Fallon: That's right. Rams quarterback Jared Goff just couldn't score. Americans said if we want to see a football player who can't score we'd watch Colton on The Bachelor. I mean, come on."
(laughter)
Fallon: Hey, at one point in the game I saw Tom Brady yelling out "Reagan, Reagan". And the Patriots ran the ball to the right. Did you see that? Then later the Rams ran a play called Trump and they got sacked by Nancy Pelosi.
(laughter)
Steve: Wow!
Fallon: Get this. I read that over 10 million workers called in sick to work today. That doesn't include the 53 Rams who skipped work last night.
(crowd groans)

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2019 07:01PM by MamaRAMa.