There have been many...

..but the that I always mention, and I've probably mentioned it here, before, was in 1989, or so.. The guy my mother married had gotten colon cancer.. Now, before I go off and make another *ss out of myself, let me mention he wasn't a very well-liked person.. Pretty mean.. one of those "you stupid kids get off my lawn!" kind of guys.. Rude, mean etc.. no idea how my mother ended up marrying him..

So, he gets colon cancer.. and he has to get a colostomy bag and I genuinely felt bad for him... So, I'm at my mom's house helping him with some chores.. One of the chores was to nail a new plastic type cover on a car port-type structure.. Those of you who know me, know that I nail like lightning - I never hit the same spot twice.. So, I'm up on a ladder, nailing my head off, getting better and better with every nail..

Then it happened.. I hit one nail with enough precision and authority to bury the nail into the poor wood that was destined to be my b*tch that day.. My brother was standing on the ground next to me, while the guy my mother married was standing next to him, both watching me work..

"Ripped that one a new *sshole", I triumphantly declared..

..while almost immediately turning six shades of red, knowing that the guy my mother married with the colostomy bag heard every word of it.. I really felt bad about it - I really did - and it WAS a total accident.. It wasn't anything I consciously thought up or had made up in my head - I hit the nail and it just came out like immediately.. My brother looked horrified, which then fell to an almost impossible task of trying not to explode laughing - neither one of us got along with him, at all.. Its a terrible story - and I will always feel bad about it.. I blew a bunch of tokens toward Heaven that day.. Hopefully I can earn them back someday..

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Friendship is like peeing your pants.. Everybody can see it, but only you can feel the warmth..